capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
