chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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