she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
