i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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