I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize