dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
