i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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