Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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