One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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