I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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