first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
