got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
