i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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