now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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