Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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