i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
