Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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