wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
