You're completely useless in the revolution.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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