I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
