cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
