I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
