I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
