oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
