Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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