Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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