I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
