If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
