Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
