did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
