My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
