epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
