I cut my penus on the lid.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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