you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
