I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
