I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize