What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
