so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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