he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
