oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
