I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
