He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
