there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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