Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
