i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The air taste purple.
Randomize
