david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
