OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize