i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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