nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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