Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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