is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
