Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
