One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
