You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
