When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize