Can i not drive my cunt home
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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