hotel room ftw
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
