Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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