i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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