Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
