When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
