Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
God, I missed his penis.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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