ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
