can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
