You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
