Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
