take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
