in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
