I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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