I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
