stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize