I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
did i walk over a car last night?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
