I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
