Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
