I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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