Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize