Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
