Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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